Okay here's my egg story. Earlier this evening I'm at my local grocery store and one of the things on my list is a carton of eggs. As anyone who has ever purchased a carton of eggs knows you have to check each egg to make sure its not cracked. As someone who is about to drop $4.59 on a carton of free run eggs I believe this is my prerogative. I go through 2 different cartons and each one has a broken egg. I think to myself 'hmmm why don't I just replace one of the cracked eggs with a good egg from the other carton with the broken egg?'. Sounded like a harmless enough plan. The entire time I feel like I'm being watched. I thought 'maybe someone wants to get into the fridge and buy some eggs I should hurry up!'. I look next to me but no one is there. I go about my business, close my carton of perfectly intact eggs and close the fridge door. And then I see it. A woman mean-mugging me from 10 feet away. I'm so confused that after locking eyes with her for what seemed like an eternity I start looking around thinking 'she can't really be trying to stare me down. I mean what reason would she have? What did I do?' I look back and yup she's still staring at me. Finally she blurts out 'I saw you touching those eggs, you know people have to buy those!.' I begin to explain that I was merely trying to replace the broken egg. Before I could even finish my sentence she cuts me off with some unintelligible muttering and starts walking away. At this point I'm about to lose my shit so I yell 'people aren't going to eat the shells' and throw in a 'mind your own business'. Double Up gets in on the action with a 'are you the egg police?!'
What transpired next is a story I will proudly tell for years to come.
Let me start by saying this. One too many times I have allowed people to walk all over me, assume things, accuse me of things and not properly stood up for myself. This poor woman was about to pay the price for every one of those instances. After walking away from the situation I realized that this time I couldn't just walk away. Something needed to be said. Double Up begged me to let it go but this was something I needed to do.
I found her in the frozen food aisle. I walked straight up to her and this is the exchange that took place (the D is me, the EP is the lady, also known as the Egg Police)
D: excuse me I just wanted to say next time you have something to say to me, one, I would appreciate it if you would come up to me instead of yelling from 10 feet away, and two, have the decency to allow me to respond before walking away
EP: well you were touching those eggs and people have to eat those
D: do you even know what I was doing or why I was doing it?
EP: no but what were you doing with those eggs?
D: well if you had let me explain instead of walking away you would have known that I was replacing the broken egg with a good egg so at least one of those cartons could be bought instead of them both going to waste
EP: well I thought you were done
...ok at this point I'm so angry I thought I was gonna stop making sense
D: you thought I was done? what made you think I was done? was I done speaking?
EP: well....
D: you know I'm not some animal. I do know what I'm doing
EP: well I apologize I didn't know what you were doing
D: that's why you should mind your own business
EP: well I just saw you touching them and I assumed...
D: thats why you should never assume anything
EP: well I that's why I'm apologizing. I'm sorry but I thought it was weird that you were touching them. If you had seen the same thing you would have thought the same thing
D: actually no I wouldn't have because I wouldn't have assumed anything and secondly I would have minded my own business.
EP: well I'm sorry. I apologize.
D: That's fine.
And then I walked away with the most insane heartburn of my life because it took everything in me to not raise my voice, curse or slap this woman. To be honest I didn't even care for the apology. I could care less what she thought I was doing to those eggs. What drove me absolutely insane was the fact that here was another instance of a grown person acting like a complete idiot, insulting me and then not giving me the opportunity to defend myself.
The best part about this: does she not know where eggs come from?!
